Freedom!

Well, let's see... I feel like I have so much to talk about.  It's been 3 weeks since I last blogged.  Not a lot has happened in those three weeks in regards to activity in my life, but a lot has happened in my mind.  Back in October I decided to stop being so argumentative on Facebook and other social media sites.  I decided not to post anything else about politics or hot topics with my opinions (I caved a couple of times, but not too badly).  Anyone who knows me knows my positions anyway.  I took it a step further and decided to stop watching the news or reading about it.  Life has been pretty peaceful since then!  Looking back at my days as political/religious ambassador on Facebook, I realized that I did a lot of that to make up for something I was lacking.  I still don't even know what that something is.  It's not confidence.  It's not self esteem.  It's not self worth.  I really don't know.  But whatever it was, I sure don't need it!  Someone posted this picture on FB recently and it really hit me.

I spent so much time arguing my points about why so-and-so is right or wrong and it was a waste of time.  Instead I need to talk about what I love.  I love God, my husband, my children, my family, my friends and good health.  Really, outside of that, there's not much to talk about!  So you WILL see me continue to post about my love for these, unashamedly.  And I would encourage you to do the same!  It's SOOOOO freeing!

Gabrielle (my 8 year old daughter) said something last week that sums up what this whole weightloss journey has been about.  She said to me "Mommy, I'm so glad you lost all this weight."  I asked her why, really hoping she would not say because "you're prettier" or "you dress cooler".  She said "because now you can run around with us and play outside with us and do lots of fun things with us!"  DING DING DING - Right answer!!!!  She gets it!  This is about health and living life!  I really try to not use the D word around the house (diet).  I talk about healthy foods, fitness, etc.  And the kids are really catching on to it.  I just want them to be healthy and active.  And they LOVE being active with Mommy and Daddy!

I took a big leap in my journey to better health last week - mentally.  As you will know if you have read my previous blogs, I lost a lot of hair after the surgery, which is common.  Since my hair was thin before surgery, I was behind the game to start.  Well last Tuesday at our monthly Weightloss Surgery Support Group meeting, I spoke to the group about my hair-loss and how it was a really big concern for me because I was so embarrassed by it.  I recently had my haircut because the thinness was getting to me and I needed a haircut and color that would make it look a bit thicker.  Up until this most recent haircut I would do anything possible to hide the baldness - wear hats, spray my scalp with a dark brown hairspray so it didn't look bald, put it up, whatever I could think of.  But something LIBERATING happened when I got it cut.  I no longer care about people seeing my scalp or thinking "wow, she's bald!"  I am HEALTHY!  I'd rather be healthy and bald than unhealthy and have a beautiful head of hair.  So guess what I did?!  I showed the whole group (which is a pretty big group - over 100 people) my head!  I leaned over, pulled my hair apart and showed them my scalp.  I felt like I had to do it to let go of that "pain".  My hair has always been something I loved putting time into but not so much the past few years since it got thin.  Showing everyone my head was so freeing!  And to bring that freeing to another level, I'm going to share with you all a picture of my head when the hair-loss was at it's worse.  Be prepared!

 Ahhhh!  That feels good!  I don't have to hide it anymore!  And as much as I'd love to have long beautiful gorgeous curls, if this is my lot in life, I'll take it!  My hairdresser did say that she noticed a lot of regrowth so maybe it will come back thicker than before.  But if it doesn't, it's all good!  Here is a picture of my new do:

Well I hit my second stall.  I lost 1.5 lbs the first couple of days after my last blog but since then I didn't lose any weight until this past week.  The scale started moving again last week and I lost another 2lbs for a total of  3.5 lbs which brings my total weightloss to 142lbs.  Two Sundays ago, I got a picture of my friend Laurie on my back.  She told me that I have lost a whole HER!  I seriously CAN NOT believe that's how much weight I was carrying around.  I'm not surprised I was so miserable physically!  Thanks for the visual, Laurie!!!

To end off, I want to encourage you if you're struggling with weightloss or your journey to better health.  It gets really hard at times.  I SO know that.  But remember, the failure only happens when you give up.  It doesn't happen if you didn't lose as much as you expected or if you even gained a pound or two.  It ends the moment you stop trying!  It is SO EASY to just stop and convince yourself that you're happy with what you've accomplished and that you don't NEED to lose any more.  But until you've reached the goal that's healthy for you, DON'T QUIT!!!  BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!  Look at yourself in the mirror (I'm serious here) and say "I am worth it.  I am worth fighting for!  I am blessed and I want those blessings in my life to experience a healthier, happier me!"  I'm serious - talking out loud to yourself is REALLY helpful.  You tend to hear yourself more when it's said out loud as opposed to in your mind.  And if there's anything I can do to help you, I'm always here!!!  Be blessed!

Total Loss: 142lbs